Monday, July 10, 2017

Something Must Be Done

This is something.
Therefore, we must do it.

I came across an article raising the possibility that outlawing texting while driving might have some unexpected adverse consequence in situations where the driver is prone towards road rage.  According to the author, the distraction of texting lessens the chance that these drivers would be provoked by others on the road, and asks whether that effect outweighs the risk of texting by other drivers.
Upon reflection, I think this calls for Congressional action to ensure we have the best outcome for all. My modest proposal, embodied in the Maximizing Attention to Driving (MAD) Act would entail:
Detailed psychological profiling (DPP) of all drivers
Characterizing all drivers ((using a Predictive Algorithm Device (MADPAD) to be promulgated by the U.S. Department of Transportation (USDOT)) as either Road Rage Susceptible (RRS), or Calm And Normal Driver Overall (CANDO).
CANDO classified drivers would be forbidden to text.
RRS classified drivers would not only be allowed to text, but would be encouraged to do so, under a new Federal communication initiative to be called the Maximizing Attention to Driving Assistance for Susceptible Sensibilities (MADASS) program.
I believe my proposal would provide maximum flexibility, utility and benefit to our nation as a whole.

I yield the floor to my esteemed colleague.

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