Thursday, November 8, 2012

Waiting For Cable

Day 10 without cable or internet.  While Optimum, after three days, successfully completed the scheduling task it is at this time 0% complete on the implementation task and over a day late on initiating it.  We have spent several hours on the phone with them and have heard many amusing tales.

Therefore, with apologies to Samuel Beckett (from whom 90% of this is taken verbatim), we present Waiting For Cable.


A country road.  A tree.

Downed wires.

A house.

Testosterone, sitting on a low chair, is trying to stay awake while on hold with Optimum.  He gives up exhausted.  He will try again.

Enter Estrogen.

Testosterone:  Nothing to be done.

Estrogen:  I'm beginning to come round to that opinion.  All this week, I've tried to put it from me, saying Estrogen, be reasonable, you haven't tried everything.  And I resumed the struggle.  (She broods, musing on the struggle.  Turning to T).  So there you are again.  

T:  Am I?

E:  I'm glad to see you hung up.  I thought you would be on forever.

T:  Me too.

E:  And they didn't beat you?

T:  Beat me?  Certainly they beat me.

E:  The same lot as usual?

T:  The same?  I don't know.  They tell me different names, but they all say the same things.

E:  (Gloomily)  It's too much for one man.  (Pause, Cheerfully)  On the other hand what's the good of losing heart now, that's what I say.  We should have thought of it days ago.


E:  Let's wait and see what he says.

T:  Who?

E:  The cable guy.

T:  Good idea

E:  Let's wait till we know exactly how we stand.

T:  What exactly did we ask him for?

E:  Were you not there?

T:  I can't have been listening.

E:  Oh . . . nothing very definite.

T:  A kind of prayer

E:  Precisely

T:  A vague supplication.

E:  Exactly

T:  And what did he reply?

E:  That he'd see.

T:  That he couldn't promise anything.

E:  That he'd have to think it over.

T:  In the quiet of his office.

E:  Consult his supervisors.

T:  His technicians.

E:  His schedulers.

T:  His bosses.

E:  His books

T:  His bank account.

E:  Before taking a decision.

T:  It's the normal thing.

E:  Is it not?

T:  I think it is.

E:  I think so too.



T:  (Anxious)  And we?

E:  I don't understand.

T:  Where do we come in?

E:  Come in?

T:  Take your time.

E:  Come in?  On our hands and knees.  We can still call again, if you think it would be better.

T:  It's not worthwhile now.


E:  No, it's not worthwhile now.


T:  Well, shall we go?

E:  Yes, let's go.

(They do not move away from the phone)



1 comment: