Therefore, with apologies to Samuel Beckett (from whom 90% of this is taken verbatim), we present Waiting For Cable.
A country road. A tree.
Testosterone, sitting on a low chair, is trying to stay awake while on hold with Optimum. He gives up exhausted. He will try again.
Testosterone: Nothing to be done.
Estrogen: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All this week, I've tried to put it from me, saying Estrogen, be reasonable, you haven't tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. (She broods, musing on the struggle. Turning to T). So there you are again.
T: Am I?
E: I'm glad to see you hung up. I thought you would be on forever.
T: Me too.
E: And they didn't beat you?
T: Beat me? Certainly they beat me.
E: The same lot as usual?
T: The same? I don't know. They tell me different names, but they all say the same things.
E: (Gloomily) It's too much for one man. (Pause, Cheerfully) On the other hand what's the good of losing heart now, that's what I say. We should have thought of it days ago.
E: Let's wait and see what he says.
E: The cable guy.
T: Good idea
E: Let's wait till we know exactly how we stand.
T: What exactly did we ask him for?
E: Were you not there?
T: I can't have been listening.
E: Oh . . . nothing very definite.
T: A kind of prayer
T: A vague supplication.
T: And what did he reply?
E: That he'd see.
T: That he couldn't promise anything.
E: That he'd have to think it over.
T: In the quiet of his office.
E: Consult his supervisors.
T: His technicians.
E: His schedulers.
T: His bosses.
E: His books
T: His bank account.
E: Before taking a decision.
T: It's the normal thing.
E: Is it not?
T: I think it is.
E: I think so too.
T: (Anxious) And we?
E: I don't understand.
T: Where do we come in?
E: Come in?
T: Take your time.
E: Come in? On our hands and knees. We can still call again, if you think it would be better.
T: It's not worthwhile now.
E: No, it's not worthwhile now.
T: Well, shall we go?
E: Yes, let's go.
(They do not move away from the phone)